#Undecided’s Two Cents: Attachment Parenting vs. Babywise
3:45:00 PM
Obviously I’m a new mom. And after some serious
time on the internet browsing for parenting tips (I had zero experience with
babies, everything I know prior Zoe I knew from my bff A which from time to time proven
to be very handy!), I found Babywise method, and it’s a gem! You can read about
it everywhere in the net so I’m not going to get into the details here, but it’s
basically not to baby your baby so they can become independent from the early
age.
All the images about me sleeping through the night
and not having to carry around an infant so much during the day (I’m selfish
and I’ll be the first person to admit it LOL) made me determine to carry on with
the Babywise methods. Even got hubby and my mom on board.
And that was what I did at the beginning (had 2
months off from work so I was taking care of Zoe full time during the day,
had mom’s help at night, FYI) until 10 days in when the nanny arrived. She’s
not actually a nanny, more like a maid, but she has some experience tending to babies
in the past. You know, when you have an older help around the house it can sometimes
be quite annoying because she can be a know it all, and this one was no
exception. I can safely say that I love and value her now, but boy it wasn’t easy
to begin with.
Like literally, I would ask her to not carry Zoe
around so much, but every single time I saw her, that’s exactly what she would
be doing LOL FML. She would have so many different reasons varying from poor
Zoe’s crying (I swear it could be just a little whimper and up she went LOL) to
Zoe’s back must be tired from all the sleeping (like seriously?!). And so the inevitable
happened, my baby learnt that if she wails a little, nanny will pick her up and
rock her to sleep.
FML.
Here’s the thing. A growing baby is not getting any
lighter. And have you seen my arms?!
Things got worse the day I went back to work. And Hubby
(he’s basically wrapped around Zoe’s little fingers – all her biddings are his
to do) just went on board with the whole Attachment Parenting! Seriously those
two *facepalm*. Zoe would cry and would instantly be picked up. She would be
rocked to sleep – and even sometimes would sleep in her arms – for hours!!
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| They even dozed off together LOL |
I asked
her to just lay Zoe on a pillow when she feeds from her bottle, but no... apparently
that’s cruel *rolls eyes*, so she would carry her around and feed her all the while
singing to her!!
Okay, nanny loves Zoe, I cannot argue with that. But
when does one draw the line from loving a baby to loving them too much it
starts making bad imprints on them?
I honestly don’t know.
Had a big row with hubby over it one night. Dunno why
Zoe was extremely fussy. It was a few days after her shot, but she no longer
ran a fever. I tried coaxing her to sleep on her back on her own, singing to
her, nothing worked. I knew that if I would just pick her up, she would stop
crying, but that’s totally against Babywise methods and following it strictly, I
was adamant to letting her cry it out (15 mins max). She cried it out alright. Loudly
LOL. Next thing I know, nanny was in the room ready to pick her up. I dismissed
her. TBH, I was quite pissed and couldn’t control my tone, I could possibly
hurt her feelings (sorry ah, Mbok Mi *sniff*).
Zoe was aware that the nanny was in the same room,
but because she wasn’t being picked up, she started screaming bloody murder. Then
hubby showed up and basically said, "just pick her up". It wasn’t even 10 mins
yet, but feeling ganged up upon, I picked her up *peer pressure is the worst!!*
Sure enough, she stopped crying. But damage was
done. I was so angry at hubby but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to
fight with Zoe in tow. But he just didn’t get it and started lecturing me of
how a baby Zoe’s age just doesn’t understand and how I’m very lenient when it
comes to the dogs, but am being too strict with Zoe. Crap. All crap. Until he
said,
"Your
daughter waits for you everyday to come home. Even if she’s asleep, she would
always wake up when she senses you. She misses you and just wants to cuddle a
little with her mama, but you just want her to be independent and get so angry with
her for wanting some quality time with you *he made sure he emphasised on the word
you at this point*, how messed up is that?! Do you want her first memories of you to be her
crying for attention and all she got in return was you ignoring her or worse,
getting angry?!"
And then it hit me. I never bothered to look at
things from her perspective. I read some papers expert wrote and used my logical
brain to process it, but truly, do I really know that it’s the best for my baby?
How could I deny her some cuddle time for independence sake? Who’s to say that
if she feels loved (even if it’s too much *cough by the nanny cough*), then she’ll
be a horrible person growing up?
That night I reflected back to my childhood, the
highlights of it were my dad loving me to the fullest making sure I felt like I
was the most important thing for him. I turned out okay (well, fabulous, but
you already know that and I wanted to be modest hahaha *whips hair*) and I can
safely say (and hubby can totally vouch for this) that of all the adults, I
have the utmost respect for daddy...
So...
*shrugs*
I’m still not 100% sold on all Attachment Parenting
thing, but when Zoe wants to cuddle, I will definitely carry her. If she wants
to sleep with me holding her hands (like last night *yawn*), she’ll get her
hands held for sure. I obviously still want her to be able to sleep on her own
and ever since she found her thumb, she hasn’t disappointed... all the process
just has gotten a lot easier.
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| She would suck on her thumb a bit (yeah, she hasn't quite figured out what to do with the other 4 fingers LOL) and then sleep on her own. |
Still, Zoe would sometimes ask to be rocked to sleep,
but the second she falls asleep I would put her down and sometimes she would stir
awake, then I would just hold her hands and give her kisses and she would drift
to dreamland – and if I got lucky, she would smile in her sleep.
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| Like this one!! So cute my heart cannot take!! |
Thanks to hubby and the nanny, I learnt that tough love doesn’t have to be harsh. And strict. And
cold. And distant. It should be a whole spectrum of warm cuddles to firm yet
loving words of encouragements. Totally easier said than done, but I will do my
best to continue being the best version of myself for my daughter.
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| I love you too, bunny!! |
As for the nanny... I have found a whole new set of
respect for her. For someone to love a baby that isn’t even related to her. To fight
me over and over again wanting what’s best for Zoe, I’ll say she deserves a
raise (and forever a spot in Zoe’s heart).
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| Just look at how happy she is being carried around like that by her nanny. Okay lah cannot say no to that face LOL. |
What do YOU think? I wanna know! Sound off below, okay!
Toddles,
Toddles,
#Undecided
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| The perks of having a girl - we can dress matchy-matchy LOL |
2 comments
Aw... Balance is the key; I think you've found it. I'm team attachment parenting but not to the extent that I'm spoiling my baby.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Balance is key. We're on the same team then!! :D
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