Fall from Grace

11:44:00 AM

Wow. The title is so dramatic hah. I definitely learnt to do click-baity titles, didn't i? Hahahahaha.

Actually it's not about me. I didn't fall from anywhere (please don't. It's one of my biggest fears in life. The feeling of falling is just horrible, i don't think i will ever try bungee jumping. Unless you offer me a million dollar. USD please), it's actually going to be a rambly post (it's been a while, i need my dose of b**ching session after endless sponsored posts)-so who fell from grace? No one lah. Well, they just fell from grace in my eyes (and lost all respects from me), that's all. Doesn't really matter right, who the hell am i anyway :p.

Yep, imma talk about that B... :p
Pic taken from Pinterest ^^

Are you ready to read mindless, meaningless ramble? Please find a good position and grab a nice drink (in my current sits *with the rain pouring outside*, it'd be nice to have a cup of warm coffee/tea-pick your poison!), i promise this will be juicy. Everybody likes a good gossip no? Hahaha, no lah this is no gossip. I do not like to spread gossip, but if something unpleasant happens and i'm unhappy about it, you'd be sure to read it in my blog.

This story is about a certain someone whom i got to know for a few years already. The person was a bit of a "nobody" (it makes me feel uncomfortable to write this *LOL*, but that's how the person used to refer to themselves) when we started the "friendship", and i thought that she (okay, it's a she) was a pretty nice, friendly and humble person. I tend to see the good in people and blinded to their negative sides at first, but my BFF saw right through her (she told me she only tolerates her because she's my friend). She was always like "i'm really a nobody" and i thought she was too humble, now that i think about it-she probably was fishing for compliment *LOL*.

As you probably know by now, i am an excellent friend (not blowing my own horn or anything-you can ask my real friends this). I am loyal, i am fiercely protective and i am also caring. That's a good thing ofc, but that can also be a bad thing because some people are snakes and they will use it to their advantage. Usually it'd be a bit too late before i see it hahaha. Let's just say that i've been through quite a lot for that person. Nothing too dramatic lah, as i never saw her more than a mere friend (i'd literally kill for my BFFs and they know it), but basically-i did a lot for her, and she (should) know it. I was there when she was at her lowest and i did my best to cheer her up.

I began seeing some flaws in her character pretty quickly though (she never seems to carry money, loves to borrow your money and tells you she'll transfer it back-but i tell you, it's super hard to get that money back, if ever HAHAHA, etc), but when i like someone, i tend to make excuses for them. Dammit. I just realized that. Sometimes she'd embarrass me enough (by this i mean multiple mutual friends came up to me to tell that she borrows money/things from them and it's hard to get them back from her) that i'd bitch to my BFF who told me drop her like she's hot, but next time she calls me... I'd be all lovey dovey again. I'm such a pushover i hate myself.

We also have this mutual friend who can be extremely annoying at times, i'm not gonna lie-i b**ch about that mutual friend too. I was once so angry with that other person, i decided to block her out.

But that second person... I forgive easily, you see? When you're apologetic (Note : when you apologize to someone, make sure you really mean it. Just apologize, no need to explain. Don't try to defend yourself because that would nullify that apology. When you apologize, that means you're acknowledging that you're wrong-and you're sorry for that. Telling the person you're apologizing your side of the story can wait. If you're both already okay with each other, then you can tell your story. But when you apologize, just apologize. I had the biggest fight with #Undecided once and i almost wrote her off my life, but then she apologized. She didn't try to defend herself, she just said she's sorry. And she wanted to do whatever it takes to salvage our friendship. That cooled me down faster than dumping a bucket full of ice water on my head), you try to change (she still slips through her bad habits from time to time, but i can tell she's working on it) and you're nice to me, i can't be mad too long, you know?

Anyway, we used to have heated and candid convos about this second person whenever she pulls her stunts (that's as recent as like, weeks ago). I am not even gonna try to pretend that i don't join in, i'm not a hypocrite. As an adult (the person i'm talking about is younger than me, but she's a full grown adult too, not even a young adult-so she can't use the "young and stupid" excuse, i had a toddler when i was her age and i did fine), i understand that the world is not always black or white. There are a lot of grays too. There are no bad people (well, there are. Just not in this case) that's bad to the bones with no redeeming quality, except maybe serial killers (but even serial killers have their kind moments too). This i didn't understand when i was a teenager and i guess most of my friends didn't too (hence, i went into trouble for hating someone one minute and then be friends again with the next day. People thought i was a hypocrite).

I believe you can hate someone's act and be really angry about it, b**ch about them-then move one.. That doesn't always mean you hate that person. I can be angry right now, but once i calmed down-will i stop being friends with her? No, that's just not my style. Friendships worth more than just being angry once in a while with your friends. Of course there are exceptions, there are people who are just toxic and i am disgusted by them so i will never ever be friends with them. Ever.

Long story short, my "friend" developed a star syndrome (no no, i'm not talking about that Star hahaha). I dun know what happened, but she began to desperately (it's really desperate to a point where i actually feel sorry for her. And lots of people came up to me saying it's disgusting *LOL*. True story. My BFF became so disgusted she unfollowed her in social media >.<) wants to be errr.. famous, i guess? I actually didn't see it as such a bad thing, i am personally the least driven person in the world (i hate spotlight and i hate being the centre of attention, that's why i love blogging. I don't have to face people face to face, didn't i tell you i'm an introvert person? Introvert person can be a social butterfly too you know, we just need a lot more "me time" and there are days *even weeks* when we just want to hide in our room) But i don't look down on people who wants fame ofc. It's the way they channel it that sometimes disgusts me...

OMG OMG i love this meme

I'm a very supportive person, and i am very uncompetitive it's sad *LOL*. When i see my friends succeed, i feel nothing but happiness for them. Genuine happiness. But once they start being arrogant and try to show off to me... That's where the disgust creeps in *LOL*. You do not need to brag when you make it big, i have eyes, i will see. I will praise. I will be happy for you. But if you have to TELL ME you're making it big, how is that means you're really successful???

I dunno if she got caught in that superficial world, and maybe her new circle of friends (who are all as shallow as her) encourage that kind of behaviour, but in my eyes.. She's spiraling out of control.

What i really hate is how she'd b**ch about someone very meanly, and then go on doing exactly the same thing in the next minute. Like how we'd b**ch about the second person i talked about earlier loving to name drop and stuffs, but now she'd do the same under the same breath >.<. How ironic is that? Did she really don't realize what she is doing? And how she now feels the need to make sure we know how busy, successful, famous she is in every sentence she says. She can no longer answer small talks (which is the only talk i have with her lately) straight and simple, she has to twist it around and insert "i'll check my schedule" in that sentence. Sometimes people don't really care you know, they just say stuffs to fill in the awkward silence *LOL*.

I also happens to have excellent memories (ask #Undecided), and little things got recorded to my mind. I remember she used to mock and look down on certain people for what they do, or saying how much she doesn't like that person (which is weird because she didn't know that person personally. I mean, i get it when some people are just not your kind of people, or if that person is a celebrity then it's normal for you to develop certain feelings about them-but this is a very different case altogether) for doing what they're doing... But now that she seems to gain a little bit of popularity... That's exactly what she's doing *LOL*. That makes me come to the conclusion that it's not the person or what they do that she dislike, it's the fact that those people got the opportunity and she didn't. How bitter is that? Oh, and now she's like BFF with that said person *LOLOLOL*.

It's like, nobody's ever good enough for her. She's find things to b**ch about people, but then pretend that they're BFF (mainly on socmed). What kind of a life is that? I look at that and i feel sick to my stomach. I am tempted to unfollow her in social medias because i just can't see her become this... monster, but i don't want to cause a drama-and i know how unfollowing social medias can turn into a drama HAHAHA.

Like i said, i am a very supportive friend-but when i tell stories (i dunno, maybe i unconsciously sound like i'm bragging to her. If i did, i apologize. I really didn't mean to. I really am not that kind of person), she'd see it as a bragging competition, steer it to her direction. And at the same time implying (in a very subtle manner) that what i am doing is nothing. That she's got bigger things in her life. Man, i DON'T CARE. You got the wrong person to try to brag to, i have a perfect life *LOL*. I don't need fame, i don't need all those bullshit you're trying so hard to get until you bleed your money out to achieve. I do what i do just because i enjoy it and i will not let you belittle my achievements just because deep down inside, you're just a jealous, insecure, sad little person.

This is sad, really. I feel like i lost a friend. And i really do. Because i think while she always did have a bad streak in her, we all do. Hers is just slightly more annoying than others' *LOL*. But she has her good qualities too-or at least she used to be. The person she has become now? I don't know that person. And i am not interested to be friends with that person.

This is when i realize that this quote is so damn true

I don't think she is interested too since i probably ran out of things for her to use, and i don't like the social crowd she's in now, "the in crowd"... which is hilarious imma cry *LOLOLOL*. You know, the type where people thinks they're rich and wants to show the world they are rich and famous? LOL. Let me tell you, i know REAL rich people (bragging rights : my sister is one) and they are nothing like that. In fact, they do not like showing off-most of them don't have social medias (and resort to stalking using fake accounts, if you're rich but has a lot of free time like my sis). Don't get me wrong, you can show off all you want in your platform, i-to an extent do that too-i just don't feel like i need to be in that kind of unhealthy environment. I'm too old to play pretend the whole time.

I won't like, be her enemy or whatever, i'll stay civil. But i can't pretend anymore. It's not in my nature to pretend like i like someone but actually hates their guts, it's literally making me physically ill having to do that.

I don't have ill meanings writing this blog post, i just need to write it down. I've been b**ching so much about her to my real friends, it makes me feel guilty. If the person i am writing about reads this, if you think i'm writing about you.. You're probably right *LOL*. I wish nothing but the best for you, i hope you finally find what you're looking for. Maybe i find it shallow and silly and meaningless, but maybe thats the life you've been dreaming about.

And i want you to know that once, i really did care about you.