Pink and Undecided: babies

Hello Zoe!

Hi everybody, look who’s back!!

Gotta hand it to me for finding the most narcissistic opening, right… LOL.

So… ICYMI, I got preggers, got lazier than usual (to write among other things), gotten into labor (very dramatic one no less – had to go into emergency c-sect without any mental preparation FML), blessed with a very healthy 50cm 3kg baby girl which led me to today: writing about motherhood from the simple mind of an #Undecided.

Okay I still got it. LOL.

So, I’m opening my monologue by ~~reminding you~~ saying that I love my daughter. In love. Smitten. Weak in the knee sort of thing that I never knew I could feel for a helpless wriggly little baby. But she’s so darn adorable, my heart can’t take it!

See!!

Awwww #biasedmama

Please remember this as you read along.

Okay, everyone that knows me IRL knows that motherhood is not something that you will find highlighted on my CV. I have gone by the first 30 years of my life believing that it was going to be a challenge – which I would ace because I’m basically awesome like that LOL – but a challenge nonetheless. And the prospect of having a baby wasn’t something that excited me. Not in a tiny bit.

So I always thought to myself that I was content. I had hubby and my 3 fur babies. I was happy. I didn’t need to procreate, to have an offspring, to breastfeed an infant to truly feel like a grown ass woman. I didn’t need the distractions – my goodness there was a time when I associated a baby with distractions – to my already full life. Not that I was against motherhood, but more like, if it didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t mind.

But then I got pregnant. LOL. Life shocks you like that sometimes...

And staying true to myself, I wasn’t excited. Excuse me, but there wasn’t a happy high-pitched squeal announcing my pregnancy to hubby or whatever. I did the testpack myself one morning when he was still asleep. Got 2 red lines. Cursed a bit I’m sure!!! LOL. Left the testpack lying on a table expecting him to see it when he woke up. Went to see my dogs. Told Onkas that I was preggers and asked him to be careful with my tummy (my 60kg Rottweiler thinks he’s a lap dog, bless him). Got back to the apartment to find hubby still sound asleep. Woke him up to show him the testpack, and a sleepy hubby didn’t show excitement. Can’t fault him. I wasn’t excited myself.

I’m saying all of this to show you that I was that kind of person, you know… the person that society frowns upon. The reality is I’m not alone. There are LOADS of other women out there exactly like me. That – when reading this – will nod and somehow relieved that she isn’t the only one. Well let me tell you this: there’s NOTHING wrong with feeling the way I felt. To each their own. And if your family or friends or peers don’t understand – I do. Screw all the judgmental remarks, the snide quips, the blatantly rude comments people (*cough* self righteous moms *cough*) throw our ways. And why is that?

Because when the time comes and that baby is in your arms, you’ll instantly love them anyways. I guarantee that (unless you’re mentally damaged, I can’t speak for you, sorry).

You know, all my life I was led to believe (or probably taught by the way I was raised and/or society) that one needs to earn love. Like, ask me and I’ll give you a list as to why I love hubby. He has earned it from me. I didn't believe in love at the first sight. Savage Garden was trippy when they wrote their I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You song. But Zoe, she didn’t have to earn my love, she had me at hello. I was in love the second I heard her cry... Strapped to the operating table and highly drugged, all I wanted was to see her and put a face to the little wormy that had been kicking me for the past few months from the inside. And just like what happens in those sappy movies, I cried a happy tear (then fussing over how I was gonna wipe my face! There were docs and nurses, mind you, I was embarrassed LOL).

Motherhood is weird like that you know…but to say that it's not fun wouldn't be fair. Weird and fun. Scary and exciting. Two polar opposites. But the excitement from looking at Zoe's smiles trumps all the hours of breastfeeding in the night, I must say! So dare I say that it's worth it? Sure! LOL.

And to think I was about to deprive myself from the presence of a baby... *shakes head*

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend, she’s exactly like me. We’re selfish bitches. LOL. And if she’s reading this, I’m gonna repeat what I said, if it does happen to you, I’m only a whatsapp away and you’ll be okay. If I can do it, so can you *grin*

Leaving you with a very sassy looking Zoe

and a part of my thigh hahaha :D

Toodles,

Mama #Undecided

PS: follow me on Instagram (I'm @paulinenugraha) for more pictures of #ZoeK

3:00:00 PM
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Da Galz Gank Reunion

babies

Hello guys ^^...!

A very laid back and kinda personal joint post today hehe. As i'm sure most of you already know, the two writers of this blog, #Undecided and i (#Pink) are BFFs-we've been one since junior high school, approximately for 18 years now. Other than each other, we've mentioned three other girls for uncountable many times as our BFFs, G, A and W (if you know me in real life of in social medias then you'd easily know their real names too, but for a semblance of privacy we prefer to use monikers as much as we possibly can). We all met at that aforementioned junior high school and became close when we were in the same (funnest class EVER) class.

What you might not know yet, is that we used to be a sextet instead of a quintet *LOL*.

The original formation LOLOLOL : CK, #Pink, G, #Undecided, W and A

The reason why you don't see her more often in this blog (but she's been featured here) is because she moved to Australia during high school. We did keep in touch (some years more than the other) and she sweetly kept us in her life's milestones, so we were all in her wedding (well, the second reception in Surabaya). Sadly she couldn't attend our weddings but air tickets from Australia to Indonesia aren't cheap okay hahaha.

I would be totally honest and there were times where i felt a bit disconnected with her, especially when we were in a very different life stages (i was married and settled *i got married at 23* and she was still partying non-stop) that made it a bit difficult to find common grounds and topics *LOL*. Everything changes (to the better) once she met her now husband, BR, she definitely mellowed and we found ourselves gravitating towards her again *LOL*.

Now that four of us are moms (still waiting for #Undecided and G to join da club!), we found even more things to talk about : our kids *LOL*. And how crazy is that three out of four kids are boys? I can see ourselves in 5 years going for a "family vacay" (maybe to Bali?) with hordes of kids, Baby Boy as the leader of course. Let's make it happen, yeah??

CK actually come back to Indonesia almost every year i think, but usually on December and that's when i go for my travels so more often than not, we don't get to see each other. Thankfully this year they decided to visit on January, as i got back from Jakarta after the South Korea trip, and we decided to have a little gank reunion!

A was super kind and took over the hosting part so we got together at her place which is super close to my apartment (hello, it's #Undecided!) so no complaint there hahaha... I seriously cannot remember the details since this get-together happened literally a lifetime ago (been so busy, no time to blog, what's new), but I vaguely remember riding with #Pink because hubby was busy with something else (or was it because I thought it was an all girls thing? I don't remember LOL). And when we arrived the babies were all inside A's room and I was genuinely surprised by how big Baby K is!!

Me too! I actually saw Luca and Baby K lying down and thought to myself "Why is there two babies? Who gave birth and didn't let us know? LOL.

Luca and Connor

And here's Baby K, she's the size of Luca already!!! LOL.

#Pink's hunny instantly demanded for baby girl once he held Baby K hahahaha
Baby K's totally besotted to uncle C too, she only stopped crying when she was in Uncle C's arms *LOL*

The boys playing...

while the adults watching.

Aunties bought Baby Boy gifts and he was admiring them here.

The boys and their dads - where's Baby Boy's dad you ask? He was busy playing dad to Baby K hahaha...

Then out of the blue Baby Boy re-christened Baby Luca as Mini Godzilla because he was throwing toys at him!

No nap time for Baby K - she soon joined in on the fun.
OMG look at how much she looked like her daddy here, BB!

#Pink was like, "we need to snap a pic of this foreigner eating a lunch box sittin on the floor". She's crazy, I know :D
LOL, but isn't it hilarious??

Ah this I remember: A forgot to feed her baby!! Hahahaha... But he's being fed here, so no harm was done ;)

Hunny playing happily with the babies hahaha, i guess he misses having a real baby *sigh*. Anyway, he looks so cute here ^^

We've been friends for so many years... Looking forward to plenty more to come!

With the kids. I wish I could bring my three fur babies along! Next time we should do it someplace I could bring them, it's only fair right!! :D
W would probably start climbing things though!

No idea why Baby Boy posed like that LOL. I can't believe how big he is now... Not long ago he was this tiny baby, now he looks like G's hubby's little brother!
LOL, actually he was being tickled by G's hubby hahaha

LOLOLOL at Baby Luca wiggling his way out of his daddy's embrace!

It was a real nice, understated and relaxed time catching up! We're documenting this for our own memories' keeping sake, sorry if you think it's boring *LOL*.

Gotta go nag #Undecided to blog again soon coz we have stash of blog posts to do!

Toodles,

#Pink and #Undecided

1:18:00 PM
2 Comments

Xmas Thoughts: from Rachel Zoe to Kiona

awesome kids

Hello Everybody!!

Merry Xmas :)

Just like #Pink, I don't really celebrate Xmas... For a very different reason though, but I'm not going to get into that today (too lazy to elaborate LOL), but I always love this time of year... The weather finally cools down (yay!!)... It finally rains (which I'm very conflicted about now since I have 3 dogs... Can't walk em if it rains, see...), and I guess just the whole idea about peace and joy. I dig that...

But I spent my Xmas day just lazing around with friends (at a Starbucks no less!) and hung out with Jerome during dinner time. But sometimes during coffee, the conversation, and all that jazz, I stumbled onto one of the tweets from E! Online saying that Rachel Zoe gave birth to her 2nd baby. And I was like didn't I just watch her show (Rachel Zoe Project) on Starworld a few weeks back about her being so conflicted about having kids... And now she has 2 kids already!? Damn, Starworld couldn't pick an even older show to air! LOL.

Background story:

> Read about Rachel Zoe here

> It was shown on her reality show that she was conflicted about having kids because she loved her job so so much and was quite scared how a baby was going to fit into her busy life.

And it hit me. I'm just like her!

I'm also as skinny as her!!! (Okay, WAS!! I'm no longer skinny now, I know *sulk*)

Anyway, ignore the previous line. In all seriousness, I feel like I finally understand my whole situation. I mean, okay I'm not dumb, I've always known THAT in the back of my mind, but having someone voicing it out loud made me feel like I'm not so weird for feeling that way.

Yeah, I don't really want kids because I don't know how I will fit them into my life...

I don't really want kids because they're such handfuls and I am not selfless enough to want to shift my already very comfortable lifestyle with changing diapers and consoling a crying baby...

I don't really want kids because from what I see, (I'm talking about kids in general, not targeting someone's child, okay) most of them are some spoiled brats that not only talk back to their parents in the most annoying way possible (thanks to all the influence from stupid sinetrons and Indonesian "role models"), but also throw tantrums and sulk whenever their parents try to discipline them...

There, I said it.

Kids are annoying... Don't like them...

See!

Okay to be fair, babies are quite adorable, but I deliberately googled the crying one just to make a point...

But just yesterday I saw this:

In case it's not clear, the caption says: Donasi lagi dari Kiona. Dia ga mau dibuka2 tuh amplop, mau langsung kasih ke shelter. Dia juara lagi tuk lomba matematika. Orang tuanya pasti bahagia. Anaknya terdidik baik, pintar, plus punya hati yang tulus ke hewan2. How can I thank you, Kio. U are our beloved daughter as well. We love you. Bangga!!
*photo taken from Instagram, courtesy of doniherdaru*

In English, the text on the envelope says: 3rd winner - math competition - IDR 200,000.

And the caption from Doni reads: Another donation from Kiona. She didn't want to open the envelope, she just wanted to pass it directly to the shelter (FYI, Doni Herdaru is the proud owner of an animal shelter in Jakarta, Indonesia - read more about him here and here). She won another math competition. Her parents must be so happy. Their kid is well educated, smart, and has a sincere heart towards animals. How can I thank you, Kio. You are our beloved daughter as well. We love you. So proud!!

And you know it, I cried looking at the photo and reading the caption... I was so moved by her kindness, and I said to myself, hey, this kid is not so bad... She's awesome!! The world needs more kids like her. So instead of wallowing on the negative side of things, why don't you look at the bright side and try bringing more kids like her into the world?

And it hit me. If that's the reward, it is worth the try... And if Rachel Zoe can do it, so can I... LOL...

But no, I'm not gonna try to get pregnant today (or even tomorrow). I still have my doubts and worries... But I guess I'm less scared now... And the possibility of introducing a little baby to Jerome, Kalista, and Ellis is so exciting...

So thank you Universe for this whole ruse to making me less selfish. LOL. I guess that's going to be my 2014's resolution: being less selfish.

Oh well...

In the meantime, Happy Holidays our dearest readers!!!

Cheers,