Pink and Undecided

The strange years that feels super long yet gone in a blink of an eye at the same time.

The year which for a of us were supposed to be "our year", where so many plans and dreams are supposed to go down but instead all of us hide at home to be safe, learning to find  joy in the smallest, simplest things.

I believe this year must be hard to everybody, it was hard for me too. What you might not know is that i actually was already having a hard year (especially in the latter part of the year) in 2019, i was in the worst, darkest mental condition i've ever been in my entire life and i was struggling so hard to get better. 2020 is actually the year where i start finding myself and my happiness again after being in a dark, cold place for many many months. At that time i even doubted that i will ever feel "normal" again, but now i can safely i'm 80% myself again - and that's a lot considering the state that i was in just a few months ago.

It was extra hard at the beginning of self quarantine (the year just started, it was just March and suddenly it feels like the world is on pause for almost the rest of 2020), it was so full of worry (especially financially because our line of work - which is hospitality, is the hardest hit sector), the world also looked so scary, like a real post-apocalyptic world where going to the grocery store felt like going to the war, and i often spend sleepless night - wondering about our future and if we're gonna be okay.

But i believe there's light at the end of every tunnel, and i found it in a new group of online friends who shares the same passion and value - and we unexpectedly founded a beauty community that REALLY took off within months and it's thriving and soaring now - just half a year later. They might not know how much it means to be, but they really are a lifeline that pulled me out of darkness. I become more creative, more experimental, and more daring with my contents, and that really helps me grow and yank me out of my comfort zone. For that i am forever grateful. 

I also discover having an imaginary boyfriend/celebrity crush really help someone like me to escape my reality, to have a happy place where i can rest my tired mind and be, do whatever i want. I need to thank my various celebrity crushes of 2020 too for truly helping me cope haha.

I know all of us deal with 2020 and its depressing limitability in different ways and i want to tell you that whatever method you do to survive it, it's okay. There are some of us who become even more driven and productive (as someone who works well under pressure, i guess this shouldn't come as a surprise that i fell into this category, but it did) and there are some others who survive by laying low, doing nothing, nurturing their mental health in different ways. Both are good, as long as we're still standing, still breathing, our hearts still beating - we're all survivors and we WILL come out stronger. 

Source : https://www.instagram.com/p/CJT7kn4JOLL/