Confession Time

Hi guys!! #Undecided here hahaha... I know wtf, right... I haven't written anything in forever it's crazy. But today I'm back with a good one!!

So I have been a mother for almost 11 months now and even though I love my baby wholeheartedly, I got some confessions to make:

1/ being a stay at home mom is the most tiring thing in the world.

I cannot do it. I know I said that I wanted to quit my job and raise Zoe myself, but now I’m SO relieved that I didn’t!! The first few months, during my maternity leave, I was home full time, and for lack of a better word, I found it very tedious. Not that I found my baby tedious wtf, no. It’s the routine of taking care of her that’s tedious. And even if common sense is highly required, but taking care of a baby is mostly... muscle memory. It was difficult at first, but with time, your muscle gets better at it. Bathing, feeding, changing diapers, they’re not rocket science. You don’t need to be super smart to do em. 

2/ i boast about my baby TOO.

Le sigh. I know. When I was preggers I noticed more and more about other moms. Probably thinking that it was a new territory I was about to chart myself into, so best be acquainted. And boy, mothers boast about their babies a lot. And it annoyed me. I mean, oh your baby learnt how to roll over now? Good for her, but tell me why would I need this information again? LOL. I know, I’m the biggest bitch :D

But the day Zoe rolled over on her own, I couldn’t help myself to tell EVERYONE I KNOW, take pictures and broadcast to the world. LOL. I became them, those boasting mother. I realized that, even if it’s not my own achievement, I am very proud of my daughter and now I understand how other moms feel! #slapsself

However, knowing BOTH parties now, I shall try and boast to other moms only (this isn’t including my bitches – you guys are stuck with stories about Zoe!!). They’re the ones that care about babies rolling over anyways hahaha... 

3/ babies can be annoying as hell.

Look at this face -_____-

I’ll be the first of the bunch to raise my hand if someone asks, “who here have been extremely pissed off at their baby?” Here. Raising my hand high. Me. Me. Me.

I love Zoe very much. She brings me so much joy just by smiling at me, but she can equally angers me terribly when she’s sick and it’s 3am in the morning and keeps on screaming bloody murder and wanting to be rotated between me, nanny #1, nanny #2, and papa. I mean, come on, baby. We got you. You’re being rocked back to sleep – a luxury provided only when you’re sick. Take it with gratitude, will ya?

I know I know... She is sick, she’s uncomfortable and feeling all kinds of shit, I must be more understanding. Sure... But when it’s 3am and you’re tired from work and needing sleep so bad so you can function in the morning, suddenly I cannot be too understanding and I end up disliking my baby with passion at that moment. LOL. Sorry ah baby, mama will try harder next time.

4/ i need my me time.

To, you know, keep me sane. LOL. I used to feel so guilty about leaving Zoe to do my thing. Even if nanny was around, whenever I was home I would try to be her #1 caretaker, and I found myself unhappy and would immediately sulk whenever Zoe was being a tiny bit annoying... Then I realized that my foul mood was due to the fact that I was always tired. So I asked myself, am I a poop cleaner or do I want to be a generally happy person around my baby? The answer is obviously the later, which is why nanny/helpers are highly valued in our household.

Besides, an hour massage session while le baby is asleep will only do you good! Go for it!!

5/ dreading Ramadan holidays.

That’s when our helpers go back home to spend times with their families. Sigh. I know I have only spent ONE holiday with Zoe and had plenty of help from hubby’s family that visited and also from my mom, but at that time Zoe was just a tiny obliging baby. Next Ramadan she’ll be a walking tot. 

Even now she prefers standing up and "walking" which means she would waddle around with someone hunching while holding her hands.

Getting cheeky this one.

Goodness me. I’m too old to be running around after her. *wipes forehead

And I also found that:

1/ every baby is different with different needs.

Come on, other mommies. Enough with the unwanted advices, please! Okay so your baby is a few months older than mine, doesn’t mean you are now a bexpert (baby expert, wtf yes I just made that up. Hey, there’s such a thing as sexpert, why not bexpert, right?!). If I want your two cents, I will ask for it. If not, just... errr... shush? LOL.

Besides, I know my baby best and I have unlimited access to Google. I’m good. Thanks!

2/ Grandparents with multiple grandkids can be the ultimate pain in the arse.

Enough with the comparisons okay... My baby is the best for me and sure, my SIL’s baby is the best for her and THAT’S OKAY!! They are not running for Baby of The Year. Just love them equally so growing up they don’t feel the need to be superior towards one another which believe me, will save us from unpleasant siblings’ rivalry in the long run. Seriously Asian parents/grandparents are the worst LOL.

3/ online shopping is god sent!

You’re full of baby’s spit. You haven’t washed your hair in weeks (Asian mom wtf). But hey your breastpad is running out. Whip your phone and tadaaa... Need I say more? Shopee is now my new BFF (sorry #Pink!)

*big sigh*

Glad I got those out of my chest!! LOL. I actually pondered if I should post this or not, you know, backlash, repercussions, the whatnots... But then I came to my senses and remembered that I don’t give a shish what people think of me LOL. And no, all of these, they don’t make me a bad mom (I know that now!). They make me a human being – which I am first and foremost for the first 32 years of my life so it is a okay!

At the end of the day, Zoe knows that I love her and I will make sure to continue reminding her that...

Anyone here share the same feelings as mine? Would be glad to read your experiences! 

Toodles,

#Undecided