#Undecided’s Two Cents: Attachment Parenting vs. Babywise

Obviously I’m a new mom. And after some serious time on the internet browsing for parenting tips (I had zero experience with babies, everything I know prior Zoe I knew from my bff A which from time to time proven to be very handy!), I found Babywise method, and it’s a gem! You can read about it everywhere in the net so I’m not going to get into the details here, but it’s basically not to baby your baby so they can become independent from the early age.

All the images about me sleeping through the night and not having to carry around an infant so much during the day (I’m selfish and I’ll be the first person to admit it LOL) made me determine to carry on with the Babywise methods. Even got hubby and my mom on board. 

And that was what I did at the beginning (had 2 months off from work so I was taking care of Zoe full time during the day, had mom’s help at night, FYI) until 10 days in when the nanny arrived. She’s not actually a nanny, more like a maid, but she has some experience tending to babies in the past. You know, when you have an older help around the house it can sometimes be quite annoying because she can be a know it all, and this one was no exception. I can safely say that I love and value her now, but boy it wasn’t easy to begin with.

Like literally, I would ask her to not carry Zoe around so much, but every single time I saw her, that’s exactly what she would be doing LOL FML. She would have so many different reasons varying from poor Zoe’s crying (I swear it could be just a little whimper and up she went LOL) to Zoe’s back must be tired from all the sleeping (like seriously?!). And so the inevitable happened, my baby learnt that if she wails a little, nanny will pick her up and rock her to sleep. 

FML.

Here’s the thing. A growing baby is not getting any lighter. And have you seen my arms?! 

Things got worse the day I went back to work. And Hubby (he’s basically wrapped around Zoe’s little fingers – all her biddings are his to do) just went on board with the whole Attachment Parenting! Seriously those two *facepalm*. Zoe would cry and would instantly be picked up. She would be rocked to sleep – and even sometimes would sleep in her arms – for hours!! 

They even dozed off together LOL

I asked her to just lay Zoe on a pillow when she feeds from her bottle, but no... apparently that’s cruel *rolls eyes*, so she would carry her around and feed her all the while singing to her!! 

Okay, nanny loves Zoe, I cannot argue with that. But when does one draw the line from loving a baby to loving them too much it starts making bad imprints on them?

I honestly don’t know. 

Had a big row with hubby over it one night. Dunno why Zoe was extremely fussy. It was a few days after her shot, but she no longer ran a fever. I tried coaxing her to sleep on her back on her own, singing to her, nothing worked. I knew that if I would just pick her up, she would stop crying, but that’s totally against Babywise methods and following it strictly, I was adamant to letting her cry it out (15 mins max). She cried it out alright. Loudly LOL. Next thing I know, nanny was in the room ready to pick her up. I dismissed her. TBH, I was quite pissed and couldn’t control my tone, I could possibly hurt her feelings (sorry ah, Mbok Mi *sniff*).

Zoe was aware that the nanny was in the same room, but because she wasn’t being picked up, she started screaming bloody murder. Then hubby showed up and basically said, "just pick her up". It wasn’t even 10 mins yet, but feeling ganged up upon, I picked her up *peer pressure is the worst!!* 

Sure enough, she stopped crying. But damage was done. I was so angry at hubby but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to fight with Zoe in tow. But he just didn’t get it and started lecturing me of how a baby Zoe’s age just doesn’t understand and how I’m very lenient when it comes to the dogs, but am being too strict with Zoe. Crap. All crap. Until he said, 

"Your daughter waits for you everyday to come home. Even if she’s asleep, she would always wake up when she senses you. She misses you and just wants to cuddle a little with her mama, but you just want her to be independent and get so angry with her for wanting some quality time with you *he made sure he emphasised on the word you at this point*, how messed up is that?! Do you want her first memories of you to be her crying for attention and all she got in return was you ignoring her or worse, getting angry?!" 

And then it hit me. I never bothered to look at things from her perspective. I read some papers expert wrote and used my logical brain to process it, but truly, do I really know that it’s the best for my baby? How could I deny her some cuddle time for independence sake? Who’s to say that if she feels loved (even if it’s too much *cough by the nanny cough*), then she’ll be a horrible person growing up?

That night I reflected back to my childhood, the highlights of it were my dad loving me to the fullest making sure I felt like I was the most important thing for him. I turned out okay (well, fabulous, but you already know that and I wanted to be modest hahaha *whips hair*) and I can safely say (and hubby can totally vouch for this) that of all the adults, I have the utmost respect for daddy... 

So...

*shrugs* 

I’m still not 100% sold on all Attachment Parenting thing, but when Zoe wants to cuddle, I will definitely carry her. If she wants to sleep with me holding her hands (like last night *yawn*), she’ll get her hands held for sure. I obviously still want her to be able to sleep on her own and ever since she found her thumb, she hasn’t disappointed... all the process just has gotten a lot easier. 

She would suck on her thumb a bit (yeah, she hasn't quite figured out what to do with the other 4 fingers LOL) and then sleep on her own.

Still, Zoe would sometimes ask to be rocked to sleep, but the second she falls asleep I would put her down and sometimes she would stir awake, then I would just hold her hands and give her kisses and she would drift to dreamland – and if I got lucky, she would smile in her sleep.

Like this one!! So cute my heart cannot take!!

Thanks to hubby and the nanny, I learnt that tough love doesn’t have to be harsh. And strict. And cold. And distant. It should be a whole spectrum of warm cuddles to firm yet loving words of encouragements. Totally easier said than done, but I will do my best to continue being the best version of myself for my daughter.

I love you too, bunny!!

 

As for the nanny... I have found a whole new set of respect for her. For someone to love a baby that isn’t even related to her. To fight me over and over again wanting what’s best for Zoe, I’ll say she deserves a raise (and forever a spot in Zoe’s heart). 

Just look at how happy she is being carried around like that by her nanny. Okay lah cannot say no to that face LOL.

What do YOU think? I wanna know! Sound off below, okay!

Toddles,

#Undecided

The perks of having a girl - we can dress matchy-matchy LOL