Hello World, How Are You Today?

Seriously, what has become of our world? 

Last weekend a 20-year-old Adam Lanza shot his own mother – several times, at the face, to her death – before forcing his way into a school and opened fire, murdering 20 children and 6 adults and eventually committed suicide. Pardon my limited brain, but I honestly cannot fathom how a 20-year-old was capable of such brutality...

Adam Lanza

I’ve been following this case closely on the internet. Many speculations sprung, some say that Adam was a troubled kid, some say that he had a mental illness (of course he had to. I can’t imagine a sane person would want to murder his own mother and 20 innocent kids), some say that he was brilliant but was always so reserved to himself. I’ll say, Adam Lanza was a tortured soul and I know that there is nothing that can justify what he did, but I cannot help but feel sorry for him (and obviously for everybody affected by his actions) for he must had been one unhappy person during his brief time in the world...

Unhappiness is a scary thing, but I’m sure we’ve all experienced this at some point in our lives. So it’s actually both scary AND normal. A paradox in its existence, it will always be a part of you and me. We cannot run away from it. We simply cannot. But we can do something about it. We can look at it as something to take care of. Something to deal with. Something to beat. IMHO, how a person handles their unhappiness is what eventually defines them.

How I handle my unhappiness? I blast my iPod with a happy song and close my eyes. For that moment I will let my mind wander (and even let myself weep if necessary). I will force my unhappiness to take a backseat for a little while, and absorb whatever the song is telling me to feel. Once I feel better, I will find someone to talk and bitch about it. Bitchin about it is how I deal with my unhappiness (hey, to each their own, don’t judge me!). That and having a belief that somehow it won’t last, that it is just a phase I have to go through and if I can just preserve, I will come out of it and eventually be happy again. It’s all about keeping it positive, guys!

Does it work for everybody? Maybe not... but I believe that having a close circle of support system is what everybody needs. I am fortunate to have an awesome support system. A few people who see me for who I am and accept me flaws and all. My hubby is my source of sane advices and laughters. #Pink and my other bff, Sem K are the two people to whom I can always talk and bitch to – about literally everything. The best thing about the three of them is no matter how badly I screw up, no matter how bitchy I get, they don’t judge me. My three safe places and I love them so much *group hug – get in, guys!!*.

 

Much to my distaste, the world is not all about rainbow and butterflies and cotton candy and all things colorful. It is a place when struggles are most of the times necessary. This encourages me to write this today and actually had inspired me to write an essay which I would like to share with you all. Hopefully this piece will touch you (especially when you’re in need of some encouragement). Please know that bad times will pass. It has to pass. It has to!! Please reach out to others when you feel like you’re all alone. Heck, reach out to me! Send me emails and I will gladly read them. I will be the friend that you need!! Don’t drown in your sadness please, because I’ve seen some people let their unhappiness consumes their soul and eventually becomes who they are. This is when a person becomes bitter, jealous, and envious when life is seriously too short to waste.

Here comes the essay, guys. Please read and let me know what you think. 

A Letter to a 15-year-old Me

Hi there,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m a bit worried to tell you the truth… After all, I’m sending this from 14 years ahead of your time. Who knows what time travel might do to pieces of paper?

Anyway, if you’re reading this then I’m pretty sure you’re currently lying in your bed, listening to The Backstreet Boys. They’re great, aren’t they?! They’re the best! And yes, they are still together. They went on a hiatus a while back but they’re back doing tours and all now. (PS: you can make bets with Mindy, but limit them to 2012 because that’s where I’m at right now). 

And oh yeah, you’ll be friends with Mindy for a long time. You two will have to say goodbye for a bit, but she’ll be back. Your friendship will only get stronger with time. You might not believe me now because you only started to get to know her, but you’ll see… Keep her close. You are going to need her most of the times – and saying this is an understatement. She’s going to be your matron of honor (matron is underlined for a reason, but shush, don’t tell her this). And her son will adore you. You might not believe me because I remember you don’t fancy kids but believe me that will change. Her husband will annoy you most of the times (haha), but you’ll love him too. If you want to you can also tell her that life is going to be good for her. She might need to hear it from you from time to time…

Life is pretty awesome right now, Pauline. I am not going to say too much, most likely because I don’t want you to get complacent, but life is good, it’s going to get started real soon and I need you to be ready. 

Within a couple of years you’ll be super busy with school related work and stuff. And it’s not going to stop for another 6 years or so. Hang in there now. Believe me when I say that you will have the time of your life and you’ll even surprise yourself. The things that you’re about to do, my 15 year old self, not even you would think you could do. I’m writing this to prepare you, to make you see that life is not going to be the same – but you will need to push through and move forward. And you will. 

Make lots of friends. Take lots of photos (you’ll need the photos, believe me). Make lots of memories. And get a bang. Like seriously. We have a forehead that is NOT meant to be viewed by the world. Lose the glasses. Contact lenses are not scary – I wear them all the time. And oh, if you can, please try to hang on to those braces. It will save you a whole lot of trips to the dentist in the future. 

You’ll find love. You’ll have a good job. You’ll love writing poems and silly little articles – embrace it. People will tell you that you’re no good. You’ll be forced to face situations where things seem to work against your will. But trust me, it will only go uphill. I have – literally – been there. Learn to use to your head more (following your heart is good, but your head will save you most of the times).

If you can, learn to make peace with mother. I haven’t mastered it today, but maybe if we start early, we’ll be much further along by now and maybe it will help her during her trying times. I know it will be hard for she will make sure that it is hard for you to understand her. But like I said, maybe if we start early, we can change that… Stick around your sister. She might be super annoying now, but she’ll not only be a good sister, she’ll be a good friend as well. 

Father will need you a lot. Especially in 2012. I won’t say much, but you’ll need to be there for him. Pay attention to how he takes care of you now – and memorize that. Carry that memory with you and that will make it easier for you to make your future decisions. 

Things will not always be easy, Pauline. Heck even now it isn’t, but always remember that things get better. I know you don’t listen to people – and you might think I’m super annoying because I have been telling you what to do – but read this and remember me whenever things get tough and confusing. Look forward to the 14 years older you. Because if you give up now, you will never experience what I’ve experienced, and what I’ve experienced, you don’t want to miss. 

Enjoy being 15! Seriously, enjoy it because time will fly. And if you enjoy it as much as I did, whenever you’ll look back, you’ll only remember the good times and it will surprise you how blurry and insignificant the bad times are. 

Oh and you’ll find love! And that guy will be the best, funniest, kindest yet most ridiculously annoying guy that you’ve ever known. And there will be no warning on how fast you’ll fall for him. He won’t come soon enough though, you’ll need to make some mistakes before he will cross your path. Don’t be afraid to make those mistakes for how else will you learn to be the best version of yourself for him, right? 

Hang in there, Pauline. And know that it does get better. It will. 

Peace out (that’s how you sign letter off back in 1998, yes?!),
Your older version of you.